Sunday, June 13, 2010

Do you really know what you want?

I spent the morning floating on a raft in my pool and playing with Journey in the water. The rest of the afternoon I embarked on the futile task of cleaning out the garage. I dug through manyboxes, got a spider bite on my finger that burned like fire, and sneezed and scratched the entire time. Now for me, cleaning out the garage takes hours because as I dig through boxes I stop and look at old pictures, journals and letters. I try on out dated jewelry, laugh at my previous style of clothes, and hold close to me the baby clothes Journey has outgrown. As I was looking through some of the memories I picked up a photograph of myself standing with friends of my past. So much of my life has much water under the bridge. I barely recognized the woman in the picture as being me. That lifestyle I used to have doesn’t fit me anymore, and I don’t think I could go back if I wanted to. It reminded me of the lyrics of a song that says:The places that used to fit me can not hold the things I’ve learned and those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned. I also dug through boxes that belong to my daughters. I confess I read some of their journals. I know they wouldn’t mind and if they had been at home today helping I am sure we would have sat down and read them together anyway. That’s how close we are. It was very interesting to me that both Autumn and Brittany’s journals from several years past were prayer journals. (Did I raise them right or what?) As I read their heartfelt prayers I noticed that in both of the journals the girls were asking God to give them back the “guy” who they had recently broke up with. Both girls wrote of their undying love and their willingness to change or do whatever to be with the one they loved. Time has past and obviously God did not grant those requests. Brittany is now married to another, the love of her life and Autumn has moved on as well. I sat beside the boxes and cried at some of the things I read…. much too personal to share. What I realized is through most of our life we think we know what will be the best for us; we beg and plead for God to give us what we want. If only we could see years down the road that sometimes what we want in the here and now will not fit us later. God is a loving father who wants to give us the best. I am not trying to say that the guys weren’t the best. Both guys are great but maybe the girls wouldn’t have been the best for them either. God loves us all and if we will only trust and wait….good things will come.